I went to the post office on Louise Avenue yesterday (May 24). "So what?" you're saying. In and of itself, that's not a momentous occurrence, but it was the inciting incident for this article.

I was pulling up to park, a woman in some sort of uniform walked out of the building toward the passenger side of the vehicle she would be riding in, stopped, leaned over and spat out a large amount of "God-knows-what" onto the pavement in the space I was about to park in.

I cringed, uttered an audible "yuck!" and moved another space over.

After I was parked I started laughing, remembering one of my favorite comedy sketches from the 80's TV show Fridays. It was called "Women Who Spit" and to this day just thinking about it, cracks me up (you can watch it below).

I also began pondering other "unladylike" behavior/bad manners and thought perhaps there ought to be a refresher course for women who may have forgotten their decorum guidelines (for when you are in public, what you do in private, or with friends and family is your biz) during the struggle of day-to-day living.

I will preface this by saying I am not claiming to be the arbiter of ladylike behavior. Far from it. Just ask my friends and family. But I really believe there are certain things women just shouldn't do in public.

  • Spit: I mean, come on, it grosses me out when men do it!!! The only exception would be if you have swallowed a bug, or something poisonous. End of story.
  • Swear Like a Longshoreman: People who know me are rolling their eyes right now! Don't get me wrong, I love a good swear. It's a great stress reliever, but the parking lot at Hy-Vee, any restaurant or shop, within earshot of any child, or the customer service line in Nyberg's Ace isn't the place!
  • Wear Leggings (or Yoga Pants) on a Body Not Made for Them: Unless your physique allows you to wear these without looking like (as another friend of mine would say) “you're trying to pack 10 pounds of sugar in a 5 pound sack.” it is just not a great idea. Especially with a short or cropped top and no undies! As a wise woman said last year in a YouTube rant, “leggings are not pants!”
  • Call Other Women Derogatory Names: You're demeaning that person and yourself.
  • Act Dumb: Unless you are, in which case, you may.
  • Talk Loudly on Your Cell Phone in Any Public Place: Believe it or not, people really have very little interest in your drama, so keep it to yourself (Exceptions might include a George Clooney sighting or an asteroid hurtling toward earth)!

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