Ranking the ‘Jersey Shore’ Cast Members From Worst to Best
From its first days as a GTL, guido-championing phenomenon to its new brand as a Bunch of Grown Adults Reliving Their Early 20s As a Job, Jersey Shore has always fallen somewhere between a guilty pleasure and a full-out human car crash. Its cast members are fun, gloriously shameless, and by reality show definitions, real, but also probably the sole cause for why Ed Hardy is currently running a 90 percent off sale: The times, they have a-changed.
Which is all to say that, following the reboot's Season 1 finale, a worst-to-best-ranking felt owed — nay, necessary! — for the viewers still along for this disastrous but entertaining ride fatefully begun in the year of 2009, when we all had flip phones, a lot of leopard print, and much lower standards. From Ronnie's seven season-length spiral to Mike's truly unexpected redemption story, see who fell where below.
He started with Mike CONSTANTLY this season, and even attempted to blow Mike's proposal plans because of his own jealousy. He refused to take accountability for his actions, whined incessantly, nearly cheated on his baby mama, and couldn't shut the hell up about Sammi. Look up "the worst" and there will be a picture of Ronnie, we guarantee you.
The Sammi Doll
This intangible object may be creepy enough to haunt your nightmares, but it's still done less harm than Ronnie!!
Sammi didn't set a single foot in Miami this season, and yet, still better than Ronnie!
The Duck Phone
Even this quacking phone that would quite possibly make you want to saw off your own ears is a step up from Ronnie. (In case you're wondering, no, we do not feel bad about so savagely insulting Ronnie. Literally watch any episode he has ever been on).
He was annoying on the phone to his girlfriend, creepy towards Snooki early on in the season AND nearly had a full-on meltdown over a haircut. We. Just. Can't.
Snooki's usually harmless fun, and she ended the season on a relatively high note, but she was on her worst behavior in Family Vacation's early episodes—especially when she got a college student so drunk she passed out in her underwear, all so Ronnie wouldn't cheat. Cue the hardest of cringes.
Pauly D is so funny and charming you almost forget that he has some deeply misogynistic attitudes toward women. He also seems to be a good dad, based on the advice he passed on to Ronnie about his impending fatherhood.
Despite being the actual definition of a trash person during the show's original run, Angelina seems to have at least marginally grown up during the six years since she was first on Jersey Shore. She may have pooped her pants, but at least she can now admit when she's wrong!
Deena is just generally inoffensive. Compared to the rest of the Jersey Shore cast, she is the human equivalent of "meh."
Amid the chaos that is the Shore house, Jenni is, miraculously, the voice of reason. She seems genuinely interested in helping everyone become their best selves, and while occasionally hot-headed, seems to have learned how to speak her mind without crossing a line.
Talk about CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.
One of reality TV's most memorable love-to-hate-'em baddies, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino started off as the undeniable villain of Jersey Shore during its original MTV run. But Mike, who seems to have been humbled by his legal troubles off-screen, returned this year as a legitimately changed man, one no longer interested in objectifying every woman in his path or sh---stirring at every turn, but rather wholly invested in his sobriety, taking responsibility for his actions, having healthy relationships with his housemates (well, give or take) and, of course, his lovely new fiancée.
Overall, it was a good situation—literally.