An Iowa man made his arrest for drunk driving nearly as bad as he possibly could.

According to NWestIowa.com, 55-year-old Mario Martin-Martin had been driving south on Seventh Avenue Northeast in Sioux Center, Iowa when he jumped the curb, drove across the grass median, and ended up parked on the northbound side pointing south.

Authorities were called to the scene and when the subject was ordered to get out of his vehicle, he passed on the offer. He was then forcibly removed from the car.

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Officers observed that he appeared to have the telltale signs of alcohol intoxication: bloodshot eyes, slurred speech, and the smell of booze. However, they did not even attempt to perform any of the standard field sobriety tests because they thought it would be too dangerous for him to walk a line, touch his finger to his nose, or the like.

Martin-Martin told the officers that he had drank somewhere in the neighborhood of eight alcoholic beverages. Being that full, he couldn't hold his bladder in the back of the patrol car and peed where he sat.

He then provided more than one false name and date of birth. He also offered the officers money, also known as a bribe, to let him go and forget this little mix-up had even happened. His charges include first-offense operating while under the influence, bribery, interference with official acts, providing false identification information, failure to maintain control (of vehicle, not bladder), driving on the wrong side of a two-way highway, possession of an open container of alcohol and no valid driver’s license.

It's probably fair that he wasn't charged for going number two in the back of the police car.

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